Assertiveness - A CV Centre Guide
In the majority of working environments, there are people who are naturally dominant and those who are naturally more submissive. Generally, the difference between these two types of people is their level of self-confidence and there are actually ways to increase your self-confidence and, therefore, your ability to assert yourself.
What is Assertiveness?
Being assertive can be defined in a number of ways including the ability to resist the dominant behaviour of your colleagues. Those lacking in assertiveness often find themselves doing things simply to please other people and agreeing with others just to keep the peace. They may continually allow people to criticise them and, as a result, feel inferior to others. Many work places have at least one person who is considered to be a “bully” and, the more you are able to assert yourself, the better equipped you are to stand up to them. Assertiveness also enables you to gain more control over challenging situations. You can learn to be more assertive although, for some people, this comes more naturally than for others.
Good Leader or Over-Dominant Bully?
There is a clear difference between a good leader and a bully. One encourages development within their team and involves others in decisions and activities whilst the other tends to threaten the team into delivering results and fails to recognise the strengths and achievements of others. Their dominance is usually rewarded by results from their team which they perceive as a reinforcement of their behaviour. Their ability to control others often enables them to acquire a network of “supporters” who are, to all intents and purposes, at their beck and call. However, take the bully away from their loyal allies and they are not always as tough as they first appear to be.
Developing your Assertiveness and Coping with Bullies
When faced with a confrontation involving a dominant person or a bully, there are ways of improving your chances of coping with the situation. Firstly, you should be prepared with all the facts necessary to enable you to make your case. This level of organisation will help you to respond to any questions you are faced with and allow you to defend yourself should the need arise.
Next, it is important to know your aggressor and their behaviour so that you can anticipate what is likely to happen and therefore prepare accordingly. Knowing that you are well prepared should be an immediate boost to your self-confidence.
Ask probing questions that will involve the other person needing to explain their position in detail. Often, dominant people will be relying on their bullying tactics to win the confrontation and will therefore not have prepared as well as you have. This will give you an immediate advantage over them.
Keep Calm and Believe in Yourself
The more you allow a bully to dominate, the more they will continue to do so. To ensure that the responses you give them are what you want to say rather than what they want you to say, allow yourself time before answering. Do not allow yourself to show fear and try not to react to their shouting. Play to you own strengths and use your particular style to defend your position.
Be Nice to Bullies!
Strange as it may sound, bullies do actually deserve your sympathy. Their behaviour is often the result of their own insecurities and can be rooted in their childhood experiences. Often, they have been victims themselves in the past and are using their aggressive behaviour to help them restore their own confidence. If you show sympathy to a bully, they will automatically be at a psychological disadvantage as they come to realise that their dominant behaviour has failed to control you.
There are training courses and workshops available at many colleges and education centres that are designed to help you practice assertiveness. However, be prepared for the changes you will see in yourself and for those around you to feel uncomfortable with the person you become. The people that know you best will very soon adapt to the new, more confident you. By becoming more assertive, you should find that you are able to express your needs and emotions in a much clearer and more concise way and you should, as a result, find that these are satisfied much more than before.
